Hamel did manage to rid himself of the stigma of virginity during his junior year in high school. It happened in his parent’s car, parked behind a supermarket, with the windows open to combat the heat from both weather and passion, and the unmistakable smell of decaying lettuce overpowering his date’s perfume.
As a university student, Hamel attended parties thrown off-campus with the regularity of others in his classes, met a few girls who were nice to him, enjoyed some moments of awkward groping while both he and his female companion of the evening were beer high.
His one completed copulation occurred in the first month of his freshmen year.
She was a senior. She’d met Hamel a few days previous in a student lounge, had both introduced herself and smoothly dominated the first thirty minutes of conversation. Then, airily, before heading to a class, she’d suggested a picnic lunch, in a somewhat secluded, park-like area of the campus, to celebrate Hamel’s arrival to the university.
The picnic and the coupling had happened in short order, the latter following closely after the former, with both taking less than forty minutes to complete. While she was rearranging herself, Hamel tried to do what he thought might be expected of him, and asked her if she would like to go to a movie the coming weekend. She turned to him, smiled slightly and said “No thanks – today was good enough.”
Hamel was not certain of all that was meant by this remark but perceived it, correctly, as a sign of dismissal.
He saw her again, two weeks later, talking to another freshman outside the football stadium. He’d waved slightly as he walked by; she did not wave back. They never spoke to each other again, even though Hamel saw her on campus from time to time.
He shook off the experience quickly and unemotionally, like shaking raindrops off an umbrella. He remembered her name, and what she looked like naked on a blanket under the trees, and not much else about her. He never spoke to anyone about the incident.
From Hamel’s point of view, there was nothing to tell. As his private, mental epitaph to the incident, he’d simply concluded that he did not know how to connect with “older” women, especially someone three class years ahead of him.
And now, facing the attractive librarian who was even older — by three or four years — than his picnic date, he was convinced of it. He could not think of a single thing to say. She saved him.
“Why is it, “ she asked him, “that you always come here by yourself? Most students seem to study with their friends, though I am not so sure,” she smiled, “that there is much quality academic work going on.” She paused and looked at Hamel with curiosity.
“Is that why you always come to this spot, to stay away from the other students?” Her voice had softened and Hamel felt uncomfortable, as if she were suddenly and unwillingly divulging his private thoughts. “I’m sorry,” she said, “I am not trying to pry. I just wondered.”
“I have friends,” Hamel said, then realized he had answered a question which she hadn’t asked. “Some friends,” he repeated.
“Oh, I wasn’t asking that,” said the librarian. “I’m sure you have some kind of a social circle — people you spend time with. But when you come to the library, you always come alone. And you always head straight for this spot. And I’m wondering,” she paused, and softened her voice. “I’m wondering if you come here to this out of the way study carrel so that you can concentrate on your work
or simply to avoid others.”
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